


looking for something dumb to do

by lovebeyondmeasure



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Blackhill Week 2018, Chatlogs, Epistolary, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-08 00:59:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13447146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovebeyondmeasure/pseuds/lovebeyondmeasure
Summary: Nat {xTheBlackWidowx}Hey, I have a favor to ask.Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL}and that /never/ goes wrongMaria {C0MMANDER_H1LL}ok, shootNat {xTheBlackWidowx}Could you marry me?Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL}*gasp* I thought you’d never ask!!!Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL}but actually, uh, what the fuck, nat





	looking for something dumb to do

**Author's Note:**

> Happy BlackHill Week 2018! I'll be doing my best to get something up most days! Enjoy day one: fake relationship.
> 
> Shoutout to sagesiren for a whip-quick beta!

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} Hey, I have a favor to ask.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} and that /never/ goes wrong

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} ok, shoot

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx}Could you marry me?

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} *gasp* I thought you’d never ask!!!

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} but actually, uh, what the fuck, nat

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} I just left the student aid office, and they said they can’t give me any more money unless I have a kid, get married, or turn 24, so…..

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} yeah sure

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} Wait, seriously? 

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} yeah, that means i’d get more money too, right? i’m totally down

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} I really thought I’d have to work harder for a yes, tbh

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} i mean it’s not like i have to put on a dress or tell my dad, right?

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} we can just pop down to the courthouse, boom, and the govt gives us that sweet cashy money

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} there’s no downside

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} I’m researching this right now, doesn't look too complicated.

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} Come over to my dorm when you’re free and we can plan this out.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} i don’t get out of class for another hour and a half

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} how fast do we need to get this done? fafsa’s due pretty soon right

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} You’re messaging in class? Ms. Put That Cell Phone Away So Help Me God?

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} it’s whatever, it’s fury, he loves me and knows i know this shit already

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} Fine, alright, it’s your life. Yes, the FAFSA is due by next month, so we have to get married pretty fast.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} you already sound like my fiance!!!

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} Oh my god, Maria.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} sorry, sorry

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} It looks like all we have to do is get a marriage certificate and file it at the courthouse with two witnesses.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} sick, that’s super easy

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} We have to wait 48 hours from when we get the license to file it, and it costs $55 in cash or money order.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} who tf uses money orders anymore

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} I don’t know. I don’t have any cash, though, the ATMs here charge a $5 fee.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} i get paid this weekend, i can get the cash

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} So we’re really doing this?

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} hell yeah we are, i just checked my fafsa and if i’m married i might be able to get the govt to pay for an apartment off campus!!!

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} Seriously?? Do I get to live there too?

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} of course you do, you’re my wife hahaha

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} OK, so we’ll get the certificate this weekend, then file it. I’m trying to find if we need a minister or a justice of the peace or anything like that, or just two witnesses.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} i think Tony got ordained online last summer

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} Wait, really? Why?

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} who tf knows, a bored Tony is a dangerous Tony

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} bet you he’s been marrying his robots to each other

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} I want to say you’re wrong, but.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} i know, right??

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} OK, so Tony can officiate for us (ugh, I can’t believe I’m saying that), and then we need two witnesses, and we should be good to go.

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} I’m sure I can get Clint to show up.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} bet we can get Steve to show up too

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} so that’s two 

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} We’re really gonna do this.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} fuck yeah. do i need to take your name? :P

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} Please don’t, people will think we’re sisters.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} oh gross, nevermind

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} Thank you for agreeing to marry me

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} i was gonna ask, why not ask clint? or steve, he’d probably do it

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} he’s such a sucker for a damsel in distress

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} Honestly? The idea of marrying a guy, even just fake-marrying to con the government out of money, is just…. so gross. I don’t wanna marry a man.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} you’re the biggest lesbian I know and I love you for it

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} also that’s the most metal description of what we’re doing, this is the best idea you’ve ever had

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} We probably shouldn’t tell too many people about this, though.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} why not? it’s hilarious

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} Also illegal. 

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} And it’ll be hard for you to get a date if the local wlw community knows you’re married.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} yeah ok fair point

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} ALSO a fair point

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} I’m very smart, you know.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} i know, that’s why i’m marrying you :P

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} Oh my god, you’re going to be terrible about this.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} SHOULD I BUY RINGS

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} Literally what did I just say.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} right. ok. what about, like, subtle ones? with stones maybe? on our right hands

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} You’re incorrigible.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} yes, also i present to you: imagine steve’s face when we ask him to hold the rings

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} You win.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} HAH

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} I’m picking out my own ring, though, you have no aesthetic sense whatsoever.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} just because i like my jewelry to be servicable???

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} If I’m going to wear a ring, I want there to be considerations other than “how much damage would this do in a barfight.”

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} but it /will/ be a consideration tho, right

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} Of course it will, just not the only one.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} i’m marrying the right woman

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} We can get a divorce after graduation, I’ve just been checking it out, and since we won’t have any kids or property to divide it should be pretty easy.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} getting rid of me already????

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} Don’t make me regret this.

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} you know you love me :)

Nat {xTheBlackWidowx} *eyeroll*

Maria {C0MMANDER_H1LL} see? this is gonna be amazing, i can tell

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired entirely by [this actual chatlog](http://akacandles.tumblr.com/post/169986690777/).
> 
>  
> 
> [Share this fic on tumblr using this post!](http://lovebeyondmeasure.tumblr.com/post/169988783969/)


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